I know the last couple of posts, I’ve been practically bubbling over with excitement. But I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret.
I feel so tired.
And I don’t understand it. I work two maybe three days a week and it’s an easy job that I enjoy, in a very laid back environment. I could roll out of bed and go in my PJ’s if I felt like it. I write every day, or at least I try to. So, where is my time going? And why does it feel like there are never enough hours? I feel like I’m always letting someone down. Whether it’s my family or my boss or my boyfriend. I do really well when I’m busy, but the thing is I feel like I don’t have enough (writing at least) to explain how tired I feel. I already had to ask for a week off work, which I feel horrible about. I just feel like I need a couple of days to lock myself in my house and sleep, write and (gasp) watch television to recuperate from…something…that has me feeling blue.
Maybe part of it comes from the fact that for the last couple of years, I left the house three or four times a month maybe. Until a couple of months ago, when things happened that made me brave that scary world outside my door. I’m just not used to people depending on me, I guess. But my boss depends on me and my sister has lost her ability to depend on me (I’m flaky. I will admit it. I’m horrible with deadlines and responsibility because sometimes, I just don’t want to get out of bed or leave my computer.)
I feel like I’m whining. Be sure and let me know if this post is too angsty!
And I’ve got all of these random worries. Like, I’m signed on for a series but what if it doesn’t sell? And what if people take the whole ‘punishment for suicide’ premise of my story to mean that I think people who commit suicide are punished? (Which I totally don’t!) And I need to fill out my cover art sheets, but I don’t have a blurb and I feel like there’s no one I could really go to. I mean, I could post in the forum of my writer’s group, but if nobody responded I would feel really lame.
Oy. What should I do?